Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
