Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
