I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize