I wish I could teleport
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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