We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
