I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
