I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
