$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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