someone threw a dead crab at me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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