You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
