i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
