I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
