i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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