yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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