If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
