I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
