i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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