i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
