Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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