I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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