omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
