Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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