In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
