well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
