you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
