So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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