i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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