Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
