I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
