did you get engaged???
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
