So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
