wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
