We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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