Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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