We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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