Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
