Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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