The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
