Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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