you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
