Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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