WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
