I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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