my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
