It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
