i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vagina is officially offended.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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