Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
