im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
