sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
