Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
