the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
