I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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