Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
