I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
