I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
