So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
im on a boat
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