I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
