just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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