is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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