Got a toothbrush?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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