I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
