I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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