Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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