if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
