im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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