we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
