Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
