Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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